The Drunk Train Experience: All Aboard

If you guys have seen the latest season of “How I Met Your Mother”, you would know what the post title means.

For those who haven’t been fortunate enough to watch that episode, I’ll let you in on the story. So every night, the last train leaving from Manhattan to Long Island is full of drunk people who are returning from their respective parties and celebrations.

Well, the Delhi Metro has a Rs. 200 fine if you’re caught drunk. So, no one in the train was drunk, EXCEPT ME.

I was with a cousin brother & my brother-in-law when out of nowhere we just wanted to escape the evening heat and ended up at a beer shop. We didn’t really think it through practically while buying 3 large cans (You know what “CANS” I’m talking about right ??)of Tuborg STRONG.

On any other day, any 1 of us could gulp em all down without a sweat. But I had to leave for home in about 10 minutes and we didn’t have a place to sit & drink. Who thinks about all this when you have chilled beer in your hand ?? We cracked em open as soon as we parked the car below my cousin’s place (Dangerous territory BTW). All of us are down half our share when suddenly both of them hand me their cans too (Hand me their CANS .. Any1 else gets it or its just me ??)

The bro-in-law has to drive back home and Di would be back any second from South-Ex and the cousin has to go pick up his GF. Just a mere thought of their respective women refrained them from taking down another sip of this elixir of life (What has world come to L) and I’m fumbling with 3 beer cans in my hand and my mind a little hazy with the swigging from my share.

Who would like to waste beer ?? Water is so very scarce as it is ... So I take a deep breath and finish both of their beers and crush the tin cans with my bare hands (Feeling a little dizzy and like Stone Cold Steve Austin in the same moment).

I’m looking at my golden can of Tuborg when suddenly I realise we’ve reached the metro station. I force down whatever of the leftover I can and rush out.

In no time, I find myself in the metro coach when I don’t have any idea how I got there. Well, the amount of liquor isn’t much for us Punjabis but if you account for the time in which I forced it down my food pipe, it was way too much to handle at 6PM on a Sunday eve.

So, I have a book in my hand. I’m kinda reading it, well my eyes are at least. I don’t think my brain actually received whatever was happening between Khal Drogo and Danaerys or what Jon Snow was taking his oath in front of, in the Game of Thrones.

Another blurred series of minutes and I’m sitting now. But here’s how the people sitting across me looked like:

·         A Malaysian Stripper

·         An old friend from school

·         An Al-Qaida Leader

·         A dumb rich playboy

·         A computer whiz kid/hacker

·         Veerappan

·         A crazy in love stalker

I was staring at them and the display board with the book in my hand & the headphones shouting a Portuguese song in my ears and I’m tripping inside a trip, something like an inception of drunkenness.

Well, somehow I manage to reach MG Road.

But ... The trip isn’t over yet !! Due to the rains and hyperinflation driven rates of the autorickshaws, I take the bus which drops me just metres away from my home (Yes ppl, Gurgaon has SOME public transport)

The amazing breeze & the drizzle actually helped another tripping session and in minutes, I de-boarded the bus.

I know its hard living with your parents & siblings again after 9 long years. Its difficult to adjust & you don’t have any space or freedom anymore. But does that mean that as soon as you get off the bus, they’re standing there to receive you ??

Even if they have just come there for a “Stroll”

So a long story short, treading in the minefield, I reach home safe & sound, without a beating & not even a pravachan or scolding.

SAFE & SOUND ... (But what when my lifelines finally run out L )